{"id":43636,"date":"2025-01-12T17:32:49","date_gmt":"2025-01-12T15:32:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/?p=43636"},"modified":"2025-01-12T18:57:45","modified_gmt":"2025-01-12T16:57:45","slug":"ce-faci-cu-secretul-tau","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/2025\/01\/ce-faci-cu-secretul-tau\/","title":{"rendered":"Ce faci cu secretul t\u0103u?"},"content":{"rendered":"<style type=\"text\/css\">\n#foogallery-gallery-43637.fg-justified .fg-item { margin-right: 2px; margin-bottom: 2px; }\n#foogallery-gallery-43637.fg-justified .fg-image { height: 200px; }<\/style>\n\t\t\t<div class=\"foogallery foogallery-container foogallery-justified foogallery-lightbox-foogallery fg-justified fg-ready fg-light fg-border-medium fg-round-medium fg-shadow-outline fg-loading-default fg-loaded-fade-in fg-caption-always fg-hover-fade fg-hover-zoom2 fg-no-js\" id=\"foogallery-gallery-43637\" data-foogallery=\"{&quot;item&quot;:{&quot;showCaptionTitle&quot;:true,&quot;showCaptionDescription&quot;:false},&quot;lazy&quot;:true,&quot;src&quot;:&quot;src&quot;,&quot;srcset&quot;:&quot;srcset&quot;,&quot;template&quot;:{&quot;rowHeight&quot;:200,&quot;maxRowHeight&quot;:300,&quot;margins&quot;:2,&quot;align&quot;:&quot;center&quot;,&quot;lastRow&quot;:&quot;smart&quot;}}\" data-foogallery-lightbox=\"{&quot;thumbs&quot;:&quot;bottom&quot;,&quot;thumbsCaptions&quot;:false,&quot;thumbsBestFit&quot;:false,&quot;thumbsSmall&quot;:false,&quot;thumbsCaptionsAlign&quot;:&quot;default&quot;,&quot;info&quot;:&quot;bottom&quot;,&quot;infoVisible&quot;:true,&quot;infoOverlay&quot;:true,&quot;infoAlign&quot;:&quot;default&quot;,&quot;transition&quot;:&quot;fade&quot;,&quot;hoverButtons&quot;:false,&quot;fitMedia&quot;:false,&quot;noScrollbars&quot;:true,&quot;preserveButtonSpace&quot;:true,&quot;buttons&quot;:{&quot;fullscreen&quot;:true,&quot;info&quot;:true,&quot;thumbs&quot;:false},&quot;video&quot;:{&quot;autoPlay&quot;:true}}\" style=\"--fg-title-line-clamp: 0; --fg-description-line-clamp: 0;\" >\n\t<div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/Violeta-Stanciu-ci-cartea-Sa-spui-sa-sa-nu-spui-de-Hanna-Botta.jpg?ssl=1\" data-caption-title=\"Violeta Stanciu, psihoterapeut sistemic de cuplu \u0219i familie, psiho-oncolog\" data-caption-desc=\"Violeta Stanciu, psihoterapeut sistemic de cuplu \u0219i familie, psiho-oncolog\" data-attachment-id=\"43638\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2025\/01\/Violeta-Stanciu-ci-cartea-Sa-spui-sa-sa-nu-spui-de-Hanna-Botta\/3731508244.jpg?resize=200%2C300&#038;ssl=1\" title=\"Violeta Stanciu, psihoterapeut sistemic de cuplu \u0219i familie, psiho-oncolog\" height=\"300\" width=\"200\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Violeta Stanciu, psihoterapeut sistemic de cuplu \u0219i familie, psiho-oncolog<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ce faci cu secretul t\u0103u?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Violeta Stanciu, psihoterapeut sistemic de cuplu \u0219i familie, psiho-oncolog<\/p>\n<p>Din punct de vedere psihologic, r\u0103spunsul la \u00eentrebarea \u2013 problem\u0103 \u201es\u0103 spui sau s\u0103 nu spui\u201d este categoric da, dup\u0103 cum ne arat\u0103 \u0219i psihogenealogia. Un secret, oric\u00e2t de bine p\u0103strat, altereaz\u0103 autenticitatea comportamentului, genereaz\u0103 sentimente de vinov\u0103\u021bie \u0219i chiar afecteaz\u0103 destinele genera\u021biilor urm\u0103toare. De celemai multe ori secretul iese cu for\u021b\u0103 la suprafa\u021b\u0103, parc\u0103 din neant, la dou\u0103-trei genera\u021bii distan\u021b\u0103, sub forma unor credin\u021be limitative puternice sau a unor comportamente nejustificate.&nbsp; Evident, este extrem de important c\u00e2nd \u0219i cum dezv\u0103lui lucrurile. Dac\u0103 le dezv\u0103lui prea devreme, e posibil ca cel care prime\u0219te adev\u0103rul s\u0103 nu fie preg\u0103tit pentru el; dac\u0103 dezv\u0103lui prea t\u00e2rziu, spre finalul vie\u021bii, apare riscul de a nu mai avea timp s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi reorganizezi via\u021ba \u0219i s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi reconstruie\u0219ti rela\u021biile. Prin urmare, dezv\u0103luirea trebuie s\u0103 fie atent orchestrat\u0103, sugereaz\u0103 Hanna Botta \u00eenc\u0103 din primele pagini ale romanului s\u0103u:<\/p>\n<p>\u201eS\u0103 spui sau s\u0103 nu spui? \u0218i uite-a\u0219a ne \u00eenv\u00e2rtim \u00een cerc\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dar la fel de important e: <em>c\u00e2nd<\/em> spui? C\u0103 nu-i totuna s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi recuno\u0219ti \u00abf\u0103cuta\u00bb imediat ce s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat sau c\u00e2nd e deja prea t\u00e2rziu \u0219i ai dat totul peste cap. Ca mine acum.<\/p>\n<p>Apoi: <em>cui<\/em> \u0219i <em>c\u00e2t<\/em>, <em>ce<\/em> \u0219i <em>cum<\/em> spui sunt \u00eentreb\u0103ri secundare, dar la fel de importante, zic eu.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Reflec\u021biile apar\u021bin lui Alex, personajul adolescentin al c\u0103r\u021bii, care poart\u0103 cu sine consecin\u021bele nespunerii secretului \u00een familia sa. La fel de bine ar putea fi, \u00eens\u0103, cuvintele Varvarei, bunica t\u00e2n\u0103rului, femeia care&nbsp; a dus cu sine un secret decisiv \u00een formarea propriei fiice \u0219i a nepotului s\u0103u.<\/p>\n<p>Teoretic, secretul este menit s\u0103 protejeze o persoan\u0103, c\u0103reia \u00eei este ru\u0219ine de ceea ce s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat sau care se teme de blamul social, ori care e at\u00e2t de r\u0103nit\u0103, \u00eenc\u00e2t &nbsp;o dezv\u0103luire ar presupune o retraumatizare, dar \u00een esen\u021b\u0103 el, secretul, sap\u0103 ad\u00e2nc \u0219i destabilizeaz\u0103. Ce aduce cu sine p\u0103strarea unui secret \u00eensemnat? Vinov\u0103\u021bie, lips\u0103 de autenticitate, incapacitatea de a tr\u0103i plenar \u0219i de a-\u021bi atinge poten\u021bialul maxim, alegeri inadecvate, blocajul \u00een g\u00e2nduri precum \u201enu sunt suficient de bun\u201d, \u201enu merit iubire\u201d etc.<\/p>\n<p>Cartea Hannei Botta, \u201eS\u0103 spui sau s\u0103 nu spui\u201d (Editura Polirom, 2024), e at\u00e2t de complex\u0103 \u0219i de bogat\u0103 \u00een teme psihologice, \u00eenc\u00e2t e foarte dificil s\u0103 porne\u0219ti analiza de undeva \u0219i s\u0103 \u021bii un fir ro\u0219u, pentru c\u0103, \u00een fond, sunt o mul\u021bime de astfel de fire care, invitabil, se \u00eempletesc.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Varvara \u0219i fetele ei<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Varvara este personajul central, dar ea este&nbsp; simbolul Mamei \u0219i \u00een jurul ei se organizeaz\u0103 toate celelalte personaje, mai ales cele feminine.&nbsp; Acesta este romanul Femeii, personajele masculine fiind mai pu\u021bine la num\u0103r \u0219i sumar conturate, cu excep\u021bia lui Alex,&nbsp; crescut de bunica sa, copil \u00eenc\u0103, av\u00e2nd totu\u0219i o \u0219ans\u0103 de a se salva prin rela\u021bia cu tat\u0103l s\u0103u.<\/p>\n<p>E un roman despre Femeia Puternic\u0103, femeia care transform\u0103 mediul \u00een jurul ei, ia decizii, cre\u0219te copii, face carier\u0103, c\u0103l\u0103tore\u0219te, emigreaz\u0103 \u0219i se \u00eentoarce, devine religioas\u0103, regreseaz\u0103 la b\u0103tr\u00e2ne\u021be. E cartea ipostazelor feminine, a numeroase alter-ego-uri ale bunicii.<\/p>\n<p>Boala e o tem\u0103 discret abordat\u0103, dar prezent\u0103 \u00een dou\u0103 genera\u021bii \u0219i justificat\u0103 psihologic:&nbsp; Crina m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 emo\u021bional, iar Tina face diabet la o v\u00e2rst\u0103 foarte mic\u0103. Impresionant este faptul c\u0103 am\u00e2ndou\u0103 reu\u0219esc s\u0103 controleze lucrurile, pentru c\u0103 ele au preluat totu\u0219i tiparul mamei Varvara, acela al femeii puternice care&nbsp; \u0219tie c\u0103 poate s\u0103 devin\u0103 st\u0103p\u00e2na propriei vie\u021bi. Puterea poate fi \u00eens\u0103 o binecuv\u00e2ntare \u0219i un blestem totodat\u0103. Elena are puterea de a se desprinde de trecut, de tiparele familiale, \u0219i de a cre\u0219te, de a deveni autentic\u0103, de a-\u0219i asuma via\u021ba \u0219i rela\u021biile interumane.<\/p>\n<p>Dar \u201eputerea\u201d pe care crede Crina c\u0103 o de\u021bine e total diferit\u0103, c\u0103ci genereaz\u0103 restric\u021bia nedreapt\u0103 pentru Alex, anume de a nu-\u0219i cunoa\u0219te tat\u0103l. \u0218i ea se consider\u0103 \u201eputernic\u0103\u201d, dar efectele acestei puteri r\u0103pesc etape \u00eensemnate din dezvoltarea unui copil. Varvara, pe de alt\u0103 parte, \u00ee\u0219i construie\u0219te \u201eputerea\u201d de mic\u0103, dup\u0103 moartea mamei sale, c\u00e2nd tat\u0103l ei se rec\u0103s\u0103tore\u0219te \u0219i se conecteaz\u0103 emo\u021bional cu noua familie. Varvara \u201e\u00eenva\u021b\u0103\u201d dou\u0103 lucruri \u00eensemnate pentru via\u021b\u0103: c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 se descurce singur\u0103 \u0219i c\u0103 nu se poate baza pe b\u0103rba\u021bi.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paternitatea \u0219i infidelitatea<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Varvara tr\u0103ie\u0219te dezam\u0103gire dup\u0103 dezam\u0103gire, c\u0103ci alege mereu gre\u0219it: primul b\u0103rbat din via\u021ba ei o desconsider\u0103, al doilea se dovede\u0219te a fi necugetat, iar al treilea alcoolic.&nbsp; Nici un b\u0103rbat nu \u00eei este al\u0103turi a\u0219a cum ar fi meritat o femeie foarte frumoas\u0103 \u0219i foarte de\u0219teapt\u0103. Elena, fiica cea mare a Varvarei, pare c\u0103 tr\u0103ie\u0219te o poveste de iubire, dar so\u021bul ei se implic\u0103 emo\u021bional \u00eentr-o alt\u0103 rela\u021bie, nu \u00eenainte de a-\u0219i dovedi caracterul similar cu al lui Vasile Ardelean, tat\u0103l Elenei, b\u0103rbat dornic s\u0103 petreac\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 fie mereu \u00eenconjurat de oameni care&nbsp; \u00eel admir\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Crina, fiica ne\u0219tiut\u0103 a lui Fritz,&nbsp; na\u0219te un copil pe care \u00eel \u021bine departe de tat\u0103l s\u0103u \u0219i c\u0103ruia nu \u00eei d\u0103 prilejul s\u0103 \u00eel cunoasc\u0103 dec\u00e2t la adolescen\u021b\u0103, \u0219i &nbsp;doar dup\u0103 ce \u00eei&nbsp; este dezv\u0103luit adev\u0103rul despre propriul ei tat\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Deloc surprinz\u0103tor, Alex are o rela\u021bie cu o femeie c\u0103s\u0103torit\u0103 \u0219i infidel\u0103, aleg\u00e2nd, a\u0219adar, dup\u0103 un tipar intuit.<\/p>\n<p>Secretul at\u00e2t de bine p\u0103strat se concentreaz\u0103 \u00een jurul Crinei, fiica cea mic\u0103 a Varvarei, copil rezultat din rela\u021bia extraconjugal\u0103 a femeii cu Fritz, poate de aceea acest personaj poart\u0103 cele mai multe \u201em\u0103\u0219ti\u201d generate de evenimentele nefaste (ca s\u0103 nu le numim neap\u0103rat traumatizante) \u0219i are ni\u0219te rigidit\u0103\u021bi ca ni\u0219te bastioane \u00een spatele c\u0103rora crede c\u0103 se ap\u0103r\u0103, dar , \u00een esen\u021b\u0103, se pierde pe sine. \u201ePuterea\u201d ei este doar ap\u0103rare construit\u0103 \u00een ani buni de via\u021b\u0103.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mama care e\u0219ueaz\u0103 <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Crina e\u0219ueaz\u0103 ca mam\u0103, cel pu\u021bin a\u0219a pare din ceea ce poveste\u0219te Alex, care se tot \u00eentreab\u0103 dac\u0103 ar trebui s\u0103 \u00eei spun\u0103 sau nu mamei sale ce simte el \u0219i ce face. Crina e\u0219ueaz\u0103 \u0219i ca fiic\u0103, neput\u00e2nd s\u0103 o ierte pe Varvara pentru faptul c\u0103 nu i-a spus la timp adev\u0103rul despre tat\u0103l ei. Crina e\u0219ueaz\u0103 ca partener\u0103, pentru c\u0103 nu poate s\u0103 duc\u0103 rela\u021bia sa \u00eentr-o nou\u0103 etap\u0103. \u00centr-un fel, Crina nu reu\u0219e\u0219te s\u0103 ias\u0103 de sub mas\u0103, acolo unde Elena \u00eei punea juc\u0103rii \u0219i \u00eei d\u0103dea p\u00e2ine cu untur\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Pe de alt\u0103 parte, Elena trece printr-un proces terapeutic \u0219i se elibereaz\u0103 de tiparele familiale. Evolueaz\u0103, \u00ee\u0219i schimb\u0103 atitudinea fa\u021b\u0103 de via\u021b\u0103, are o rela\u021bie bun\u0103 cu nepotul ei, Alex, \u0219i \u00ee\u0219i construie\u0219te o rela\u021bie \u0219i cu propria fiic\u0103. Este cel mai dinamic \u0219i cel mai adaptat personaj, iar lucrul acesta se datoreaz\u0103, poate, \u00eent\u00e2lnirii cu un psiholog la momentul potrivit. Prietena psiholog, c\u0103r\u021bile de dezvoltare personal\u0103, personalitatea ei \u2013 toate acestea o salveaz\u0103 pe Elena de femeia puternic\u0103, dar static\u0103 \u0219i \u00eencremenit\u0103, care ar fi putut s\u0103 fie.<\/p>\n<p>\u201eEram uimit ce lejer vorbe\u0219te Elena despre fiica ei, f\u0103r\u0103 patim\u0103, aproape r\u00e2z\u00e2nd, f\u0103r\u0103 s-o certe, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 \u021bipe sau s\u0103-\u0219i arate dispre\u021bul, cum eram eu obi\u0219nuit. La ei \u00een cas\u0103 era voie s\u0103 se abordeze orice tem\u0103, c\u0103ci nu era valabil\u0103 porunca disimul\u0103rii.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Romantismul virtual<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Romanul se deschide \u0219i se \u00eenchide cu Alex, adolescent care tr\u0103ie\u0219te cu mama, nu \u00ee\u0219i cunoa\u0219te dec\u00e2t recent tat\u0103l \u0219i are grij\u0103 de bunica matern\u0103, cea care l-a \u0219i crescut. El tr\u0103ie\u0219te o poveste de iubire interesant\u0103, cu o t\u00e2n\u0103r\u0103 vietnamez\u0103 despre care nu \u0219tia c\u0103 este c\u0103s\u0103torit\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Romantismul iubirii care nu se poate manifesta \u00eentr-o societate dur\u0103, cu neajunsuri materiale serioase, \u00een care el e \u00eentre\u021binut mai mult de bunica, iar ea lucreaz\u0103 mare parte din timp ca s\u0103 c\u00e2\u0219tige bani, este transpus \u00een jocurile pe calculator, c\u0103ci cei doi \u00eemp\u0103rt\u0103\u0219esc aceea\u0219i pasiune menit\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eendep\u0103rteze \u0219i barierele de limb\u0103. Mai mult de at\u00e2t, personajele din joc sunt aduse \u00een planul real , cei doi tineri contopindu-se&nbsp; intr-u fel de virtualitate real\u0103. Erotismul acesta virtual &nbsp;e o poart\u0103 deschis\u0103 c\u0103tre un nou mod de a ne reprezenta &nbsp;sentimentul de iubire.<\/p>\n<p>\u201eOare eram \u00eendr\u0103gostit de sl\u0103b\u0103noaga vietnamez\u0103? \u00cen orice alt\u0103 zi, \u00eentrebat fiind, a\u0219 fi r\u0103spuns cu un \u00abnu\u00bb hot\u0103r\u00e2t, dar \u00een noapte aceea, f\u0103r\u0103 nici un alt g\u00e2nd dec\u00e2t sinceritatea fa\u021b\u0103 de mine \u00eensumi, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 caut s\u0103 fiu altcineva dec\u00e2t sunt, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 caut protec\u021bii \u0219i g\u00e2nduri salvatoare \u2013 poate deschiderea Elenei m-a sc\u0103pat de o parte din balastul falsit\u0103\u021bii pe care-l c\u0103ram cu mine -, am ridicat din umeri \u0219i mi-am zis: \u0219i ce dac\u0103?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>De\u0219i cartea se \u00eencheie cu aceea\u0219i dilem\u0103 surprins\u0103 \u00een titlu (\u201eNu-mi dau seama cum e mai bine \u00een via\u021b\u0103: s\u0103 spui sau s\u0103 nu spui\u2026\u201d), mesajul se contureaz\u0103 prin intermediul personajului Alex. Datorit\u0103 dezv\u0103luirii secretului de c\u0103tre Varvara, el poate s\u0103 \u00ee\u0219i cunoasc\u0103 tat\u0103l \u0219i s\u0103 construiasc\u0103 o rela\u021bie cu acesta. Mai mult de at\u00e2t, Alex beneficiaz\u0103 de \u00eendrumarea Elenei, m\u0103tu\u0219a mentor \u0219i model pentru ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 \u201es\u0103 spui\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Mie mi se pare clar: trebuie s\u0103 spui (cel pu\u021bin psihologului \/ psihoterapeutului sau mai ales lui), dar c\u00e2nd spui \u0219i cum spui devine un act de iubire&nbsp; \u0219i de pre\u021buire fa\u021b\u0103 de tine \u0219i fa\u021b\u0103 de cei din jur.<\/p>\n<div id=\"fb_send_like\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"[foogallery id=\"43637\"]\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ce faci cu secretul t\u0103u?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Violeta Stanciu, psihoterapeut sistemic de cuplu \u0219i familie, psiho-oncolog<\/p>\n<p>Din punct de vedere psihologic, r\u0103spunsul la \u00eentrebarea \u2013 problem\u0103 \u201es\u0103 spui sau s\u0103 nu spui\u201d este categoric da, dup\u0103 cum ne arat\u0103 \u0219i psihogenealogia. Un secret, oric\u00e2t de bine p\u0103strat, altereaz\u0103 autenticitatea comportamentului, genereaz\u0103 sentimente de vinov\u0103\u021bie \u0219i chiar afecteaz\u0103 destinele genera\u021biilor urm\u0103toare. De celemai multe ori secretul iese cu for\u021b\u0103 la suprafa\u021b\u0103, parc\u0103 din neant, la dou\u0103-trei genera\u021bii distan\u021b\u0103, sub forma unor credin\u021be limitative puternice sau a unor comportamente nejustificate.&nbsp; Evident, este extrem de important c\u00e2nd \u0219i cum dezv\u0103lui lucrurile. Dac\u0103 le dezv\u0103lui prea devreme, e posibil ca cel care prime\u0219te adev\u0103rul s\u0103 nu fie preg\u0103tit pentru el; dac\u0103 dezv\u0103lui prea t\u00e2rziu, spre finalul vie\u021bii, apare riscul de a nu mai avea timp s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi reorganizezi via\u021ba \u0219i s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi reconstruie\u0219ti rela\u021biile. Prin urmare, dezv\u0103luirea trebuie s\u0103 fie atent orchestrat\u0103, sugereaz\u0103 Hanna Botta \u00eenc\u0103 din primele pagini ale romanului s\u0103u:<\/p>\n<p>\u201eS\u0103 spui sau s\u0103 nu spui? \u0218i uite-a\u0219a ne \u00eenv\u00e2rtim \u00een cerc\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dar la fel de important e: <em>c\u00e2nd<\/em> spui? C\u0103 nu-i totuna s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi recuno\u0219ti \u00abf\u0103cuta\u00bb imediat ce s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat sau c\u00e2nd e deja prea t\u00e2rziu \u0219i ai dat totul peste cap. Ca mine acum.<\/p>\n<p>Apoi: <em>cui<\/em> \u0219i <em>c\u00e2t<\/em>, <em>ce<\/em> \u0219i <em>cum<\/em> spui sunt \u00eentreb\u0103ri secundare, dar la fel de importante, zic eu.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Reflec\u021biile apar\u021bin lui Alex, personajul adolescentin al c\u0103r\u021bii, care poart\u0103 cu sine consecin\u021bele nespunerii secretului \u00een familia sa. La fel de bine ar putea fi, \u00eens\u0103, cuvintele Varvarei, bunica t\u00e2n\u0103rului, femeia care&nbsp; a dus cu sine un secret decisiv \u00een formarea propriei fiice \u0219i a nepotului s\u0103u.<\/p>\n<p>Teoretic, secretul este menit s\u0103 protejeze o persoan\u0103, c\u0103reia \u00eei este ru\u0219ine de ceea ce s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat sau care se teme de blamul social, ori care e at\u00e2t de r\u0103nit\u0103, \u00eenc\u00e2t &nbsp;o dezv\u0103luire ar presupune o retraumatizare, dar \u00een esen\u021b\u0103 el, secretul, sap\u0103 ad\u00e2nc \u0219i destabilizeaz\u0103. Ce aduce cu sine p\u0103strarea unui secret \u00eensemnat? Vinov\u0103\u021bie, lips\u0103 de autenticitate, incapacitatea de a tr\u0103i plenar \u0219i de a-\u021bi atinge poten\u021bialul maxim, alegeri inadecvate, blocajul \u00een g\u00e2nduri precum \u201enu sunt suficient de bun\u201d, \u201enu merit iubire\u201d etc.<\/p>\n<p>Cartea Hannei Botta, \u201eS\u0103 spui sau s\u0103 nu spui\u201d (Editura Polirom, 2024), e at\u00e2t de complex\u0103 \u0219i de bogat\u0103 \u00een teme psihologice, \u00eenc\u00e2t e foarte dificil s\u0103 porne\u0219ti analiza de undeva \u0219i s\u0103 \u021bii un fir ro\u0219u, pentru c\u0103, \u00een fond, sunt o mul\u021bime de astfel de fire care, invitabil, se \u00eempletesc.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Varvara \u0219i fetele ei<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Varvara este personajul central, dar ea este&nbsp; simbolul Mamei \u0219i \u00een jurul ei se organizeaz\u0103 toate celelalte personaje, mai ales cele feminine.&nbsp; Acesta este romanul Femeii, personajele masculine fiind mai pu\u021bine la num\u0103r \u0219i sumar conturate, cu excep\u021bia lui Alex,&nbsp; crescut de bunica sa, copil \u00eenc\u0103, av\u00e2nd totu\u0219i o \u0219ans\u0103 de a se salva prin rela\u021bia cu tat\u0103l s\u0103u.<\/p>\n<p>E un roman despre Femeia Puternic\u0103, femeia care transform\u0103 mediul \u00een jurul ei, ia decizii, cre\u0219te copii, face carier\u0103, c\u0103l\u0103tore\u0219te, emigreaz\u0103 \u0219i se \u00eentoarce, devine religioas\u0103, regreseaz\u0103 la b\u0103tr\u00e2ne\u021be. E cartea ipostazelor feminine, a numeroase alter-ego-uri ale bunicii.<\/p>\n<p>Boala e o tem\u0103 discret abordat\u0103, dar prezent\u0103 \u00een dou\u0103 genera\u021bii \u0219i justificat\u0103 psihologic:&nbsp; Crina m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 emo\u021bional, iar Tina face diabet la o v\u00e2rst\u0103 foarte mic\u0103. Impresionant este faptul c\u0103 am\u00e2ndou\u0103 reu\u0219esc s\u0103 controleze lucrurile, pentru c\u0103 ele au preluat totu\u0219i tiparul mamei Varvara, acela al femeii puternice care&nbsp; \u0219tie c\u0103 poate s\u0103 devin\u0103 st\u0103p\u00e2na propriei vie\u021bi. Puterea poate fi \u00eens\u0103 o binecuv\u00e2ntare \u0219i un blestem totodat\u0103. Elena are puterea de a se desprinde de trecut, de tiparele familiale, \u0219i de a cre\u0219te, de a deveni autentic\u0103, de a-\u0219i asuma via\u021ba \u0219i rela\u021biile interumane.<\/p>\n<p>Dar \u201eputerea\u201d pe care crede Crina c\u0103 o de\u021bine e total diferit\u0103, c\u0103ci genereaz\u0103 restric\u021bia nedreapt\u0103 pentru Alex, anume de a nu-\u0219i cunoa\u0219te tat\u0103l. \u0218i ea se consider\u0103 \u201eputernic\u0103\u201d, dar efectele acestei puteri r\u0103pesc etape \u00eensemnate din dezvoltarea unui copil. Varvara, pe de alt\u0103 parte, \u00ee\u0219i construie\u0219te \u201eputerea\u201d de mic\u0103, dup\u0103 moartea mamei sale, c\u00e2nd tat\u0103l ei se rec\u0103s\u0103tore\u0219te \u0219i se conecteaz\u0103 emo\u021bional cu noua familie. Varvara \u201e\u00eenva\u021b\u0103\u201d dou\u0103 lucruri \u00eensemnate pentru via\u021b\u0103: c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 se descurce singur\u0103 \u0219i c\u0103 nu se poate baza pe b\u0103rba\u021bi.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paternitatea \u0219i infidelitatea<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Varvara tr\u0103ie\u0219te dezam\u0103gire dup\u0103 dezam\u0103gire, c\u0103ci alege mereu gre\u0219it: primul b\u0103rbat din via\u021ba ei o desconsider\u0103, al doilea se dovede\u0219te a fi necugetat, iar al treilea alcoolic.&nbsp; Nici un b\u0103rbat nu \u00eei este al\u0103turi a\u0219a cum ar fi meritat o femeie foarte frumoas\u0103 \u0219i foarte de\u0219teapt\u0103. Elena, fiica cea mare a Varvarei, pare c\u0103 tr\u0103ie\u0219te o poveste de iubire, dar so\u021bul ei se implic\u0103 emo\u021bional \u00eentr-o alt\u0103 rela\u021bie, nu \u00eenainte de a-\u0219i dovedi caracterul similar cu al lui Vasile Ardelean, tat\u0103l Elenei, b\u0103rbat dornic s\u0103 petreac\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 fie mereu \u00eenconjurat de oameni care&nbsp; \u00eel admir\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Crina, fiica ne\u0219tiut\u0103 a lui Fritz,&nbsp; na\u0219te un copil pe care \u00eel \u021bine departe de tat\u0103l s\u0103u \u0219i c\u0103ruia nu \u00eei d\u0103 prilejul s\u0103 \u00eel cunoasc\u0103 dec\u00e2t la adolescen\u021b\u0103, \u0219i &nbsp;doar dup\u0103 ce \u00eei&nbsp; este dezv\u0103luit adev\u0103rul despre propriul ei tat\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Deloc surprinz\u0103tor, Alex are o rela\u021bie cu o femeie c\u0103s\u0103torit\u0103 \u0219i infidel\u0103, aleg\u00e2nd, a\u0219adar, dup\u0103 un tipar intuit.<\/p>\n<p>Secretul at\u00e2t de bine p\u0103strat se concentreaz\u0103 \u00een jurul Crinei, fiica cea mic\u0103 a Varvarei, copil rezultat din rela\u021bia extraconjugal\u0103 a femeii cu Fritz, poate de aceea acest personaj poart\u0103 cele mai multe \u201em\u0103\u0219ti\u201d generate de evenimentele nefaste (ca s\u0103 nu le numim neap\u0103rat traumatizante) \u0219i are ni\u0219te rigidit\u0103\u021bi ca ni\u0219te bastioane \u00een spatele c\u0103rora crede c\u0103 se ap\u0103r\u0103, dar , \u00een esen\u021b\u0103, se pierde pe sine. \u201ePuterea\u201d ei este doar ap\u0103rare construit\u0103 \u00een ani buni de via\u021b\u0103.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mama care e\u0219ueaz\u0103 <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Crina e\u0219ueaz\u0103 ca mam\u0103, cel pu\u021bin a\u0219a pare din ceea ce poveste\u0219te Alex, care se tot \u00eentreab\u0103 dac\u0103 ar trebui s\u0103 \u00eei spun\u0103 sau nu mamei sale ce simte el \u0219i ce face. Crina e\u0219ueaz\u0103 \u0219i ca fiic\u0103, neput\u00e2nd s\u0103 o ierte pe Varvara pentru faptul c\u0103 nu i-a spus la timp adev\u0103rul despre tat\u0103l ei. Crina e\u0219ueaz\u0103 ca partener\u0103, pentru c\u0103 nu poate s\u0103 duc\u0103 rela\u021bia sa \u00eentr-o nou\u0103 etap\u0103. \u00centr-un fel, Crina nu reu\u0219e\u0219te s\u0103 ias\u0103 de sub mas\u0103, acolo unde Elena \u00eei punea juc\u0103rii \u0219i \u00eei d\u0103dea p\u00e2ine cu untur\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Pe de alt\u0103 parte, Elena trece printr-un proces terapeutic \u0219i se elibereaz\u0103 de tiparele familiale. Evolueaz\u0103, \u00ee\u0219i schimb\u0103 atitudinea fa\u021b\u0103 de via\u021b\u0103, are o rela\u021bie bun\u0103 cu nepotul ei, Alex, \u0219i \u00ee\u0219i construie\u0219te o rela\u021bie \u0219i cu propria fiic\u0103. Este cel mai dinamic \u0219i cel mai adaptat personaj, iar lucrul acesta se datoreaz\u0103, poate, \u00eent\u00e2lnirii cu un psiholog la momentul potrivit. Prietena psiholog, c\u0103r\u021bile de dezvoltare personal\u0103, personalitatea ei \u2013 toate acestea o salveaz\u0103 pe Elena de femeia puternic\u0103, dar static\u0103 \u0219i \u00eencremenit\u0103, care ar fi putut s\u0103 fie.<\/p>\n<p>\u201eEram uimit ce lejer vorbe\u0219te Elena despre fiica ei, f\u0103r\u0103 patim\u0103, aproape r\u00e2z\u00e2nd, f\u0103r\u0103 s-o certe, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 \u021bipe sau s\u0103-\u0219i arate dispre\u021bul, cum eram eu obi\u0219nuit. La ei \u00een cas\u0103 era voie s\u0103 se abordeze orice tem\u0103, c\u0103ci nu era valabil\u0103 porunca disimul\u0103rii.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Romantismul virtual<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Romanul se deschide \u0219i se \u00eenchide cu Alex, adolescent care tr\u0103ie\u0219te cu mama, nu \u00ee\u0219i cunoa\u0219te dec\u00e2t recent tat\u0103l \u0219i are grij\u0103 de bunica matern\u0103, cea care l-a \u0219i crescut. El tr\u0103ie\u0219te o poveste de iubire interesant\u0103, cu o t\u00e2n\u0103r\u0103 vietnamez\u0103 despre care nu \u0219tia c\u0103 este c\u0103s\u0103torit\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Romantismul iubirii care nu se poate manifesta \u00eentr-o societate dur\u0103, cu neajunsuri materiale serioase, \u00een care el e \u00eentre\u021binut mai mult de bunica, iar ea lucreaz\u0103 mare parte din timp ca s\u0103 c\u00e2\u0219tige bani, este transpus \u00een jocurile pe calculator, c\u0103ci cei doi \u00eemp\u0103rt\u0103\u0219esc aceea\u0219i pasiune menit\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eendep\u0103rteze \u0219i barierele de limb\u0103. Mai mult de at\u00e2t, personajele din joc sunt aduse \u00een planul real , cei doi tineri contopindu-se&nbsp; intr-u fel de virtualitate real\u0103. Erotismul acesta virtual &nbsp;e o poart\u0103 deschis\u0103 c\u0103tre un nou mod de a ne reprezenta &nbsp;sentimentul de iubire.<\/p>\n<p>\u201eOare eram \u00eendr\u0103gostit de sl\u0103b\u0103noaga vietnamez\u0103? \u00cen orice alt\u0103 zi, \u00eentrebat fiind, a\u0219 fi r\u0103spuns cu un \u00abnu\u00bb hot\u0103r\u00e2t, dar \u00een noapte aceea, f\u0103r\u0103 nici un alt g\u00e2nd dec\u00e2t sinceritatea fa\u021b\u0103 de mine \u00eensumi, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 caut s\u0103 fiu altcineva dec\u00e2t sunt, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 caut protec\u021bii \u0219i g\u00e2nduri salvatoare \u2013 poate deschiderea Elenei m-a sc\u0103pat de o parte din balastul falsit\u0103\u021bii pe care-l c\u0103ram cu mine -, am ridicat din umeri \u0219i mi-am zis: \u0219i ce dac\u0103?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>De\u0219i cartea se \u00eencheie cu aceea\u0219i dilem\u0103 surprins\u0103 \u00een titlu (\u201eNu-mi dau seama cum e mai bine \u00een via\u021b\u0103: s\u0103 spui sau s\u0103 nu spui\u2026\u201d), mesajul se contureaz\u0103 prin intermediul personajului Alex. Datorit\u0103 dezv\u0103luirii secretului de c\u0103tre Varvara, el poate s\u0103 \u00ee\u0219i cunoasc\u0103 tat\u0103l \u0219i s\u0103 construiasc\u0103 o rela\u021bie cu acesta. Mai mult de at\u00e2t, Alex beneficiaz\u0103 de \u00eendrumarea Elenei, m\u0103tu\u0219a mentor \u0219i model pentru ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 \u201es\u0103 spui\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Mie mi se pare clar: trebuie s\u0103 spui (cel pu\u021bin psihologului \/ psihoterapeutului sau mai ales lui), dar c\u00e2nd spui \u0219i cum spui devine un act de iubire&nbsp; \u0219i de pre\u021buire fa\u021b\u0103 de tine \u0219i fa\u021b\u0103 de cei din jur.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":43644,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[18202,18201,76,18215],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-43636","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cotidian","category-eveniment","category-home","category-news"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9P2fo-blO","jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/coperta-site-2.jpg?fit=1000%2C533&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43636","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43636"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43636\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43641,"href":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43636\/revisions\/43641"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/43644"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43636"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43636"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sud-est-forum.ro\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43636"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}